If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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