we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
this hospital has no fireball
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
