Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
4 words: hood of his car
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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