Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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