hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
