C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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