i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
