Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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