So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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