I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
home. puking in laundry basket.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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