I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
