you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
