a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
