you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
