im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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