Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
