my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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