I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
