So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's blow job season.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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