I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
