Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
