dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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