when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
