nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
