Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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