She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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