i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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