he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Verdict: uncircumcised.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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