You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
