Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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