OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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