Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
