I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
