brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
