I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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