I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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