I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
