Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
