just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
