I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
