So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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