let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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