that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
