I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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