I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
