if i can run in heels then i can drive
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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