I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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