grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
