do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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