I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
