you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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