I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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