I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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