Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
