I have demons in me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
