i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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