She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
