not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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