I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
