Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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